On Tuesday, the same day that [Allen] West was fantasizing about 80 members of Congress being card-carrying members of the Communist Party, the actual American Nazi Party was making its move onto the Hill. One John Bowles registered with the Clerk of the House that day as a lobbyist for for the white supremacist group (hat tip LegiStorm). Bowles was the National Socialist Movement's presidential nominee in 2008.U.S. News
No, as far as I can tell, this is not a prank. The ANP has actually registered to lobby Congress. I... I don't even know where to begin.
Okay, let's look at what the fucking ANP will be lobbying for:
"Political Rights and ballot access laws," according to the registration form, which also lists lists accounting, agriculture, clean air and water, civil rights, health issues, the Constitution, immigration, manufacturing, and retirement as "general lobbying issue areas."
- Political Rights: Um, hi. Vague.
- Ballot access laws: I can only take a guess that the ANP isn't concerned with making sure all people have access, but rather, making sure racial minorities have a more difficult time casting a ballot (read: voter ID laws).
- Accounting: Like what a CPA does? Government accounting? What?
- Agriculture: Okay, they know their base. I'm willing to bet dollars-to-donuts that most of their supporters come from rural areas.
- Clean air and water: Wut? Aren't these people by-and-large of the libertarian persuasion? As in, government regulation of business is evil and unAmerican? Do I have them confused with someone else?
- civil rights: Gotta stop that reverse racism!
- health issues: Gotta stop that Obamacare!
- the Constitution: Or, rather, the Bill Of Rights. The 14th, 15th, 19th, etc don't count!!1!
- immigration: Gotta stop them darkies from stealin' our jobs and our wimmin! Build a razor-wire topped wall along the border with Mexico NOW! (And maybe Canada. They're kind of... Socialist-y.)
- manufacturing: Dudes, I know you're not the smartest cookies in the jar, but that ship has fucking sailed. Just... blame China or something and move the fuck on.
- Retirement: You know, I'd really like to know if they're pro- or anti- Social Security. Neither one would really surprise me (pro-: get yer gov'ment outta my Social Security! Anti-: privatize, privatize, privatize!).
*Although right now it's kind of hard not to laugh at them. The ANP seems kind of pathetic, really. My initial reaction was to this story was, "Awe look! They think they're people!"
I then wondered if the registration form was filled out in crayon and giggled to myself. Yes, I'm calling the ANP dumb.